Lately my life has been all about getting stuff done. This move is (obviously) top priority, especially with Cameron leaving for a week in just two days. As I’ve sorted, packed, donated, and so forth, I keep remembering my Gma Cole and all the moves she did with me. Honestly, in such a time of #businessbusinessbusiness, there hasn’t been much in the way of emotional self-support or self-care. So, of course, I think of my Gma and get all weepy.
A friend of mine is doing a Facebook Live series right now and one of her videos was on asking for signs and surrendering. So I thought, why not? Right? So during my meditation that night I cleared my mind and asked for my little sign. Something to help reassure and emotionally validate the paths I’m on. My answer? Star polygons. I struggle with just being still, I’m an anxious little busy bundle and when I was trying to clear my mind and ask for my sign, I clearly heard “just clear your mind, blank slate, like a night sky” and there they were. Hundreds of star polygons all laid out in front of me. I smiled with my eyes still closed and shortly afterwards drifted off to sleep. Surprisingly, sleep came quickly that night.
The next morning I geeked out online and started to explore what this meant for me. Star polygons, sure, I could see them but what were they called? The night before there had been all different types laid out in front of me. My brain is constantly in graphic design mode, what would look good done differently, done the same, would another medium fit more appropriately, etc. You can imagine what happens when I’m forced to read yet another menu in Comic Sans.There are so many of these gorgeous things! And even if you don’t immediately consider the design elements – just the different shapes! Endekagrams, enneagrams, pentagrams, decagrams, hectograms, octagrams, hexagrams – the list goes on and on. I know I’m supposed to be specific in asking for and receiving my sign but the generalized statement of “star polygons” felt right. It felt still and quiet, and that was what I needed. And to me there’s a distinction, obviously I could stretch and consider this to be any number of things. But my whole point in jumping into this exercise was that I was lacking and I wanted a nice reminder that we prayed, we searched the scriptures, we put ourselves out there and asked for confirmation that taking our family to Idaho was the right thing to do and we got it! I’m just great at forgetting that feeling and forgetting that we did the footwork (we still are) and that God can handle the rest.
So, determined to surrender and exercise some faith, I didn’t immediately go searching for the stars all over the place. I wanted to place my intention and allow myself to have the reassurance when it presented itself and just be still. Not easy! After a couple of days had passed, I was melted into my couch after a particularly rough day of packing and was zoning out while Cameron watched some show about repossession in the UK. I was feeling particularly ignored because I need a lot of chatter and action (from an adult, I obviously get plenty of exercise in these areas hanging around my kids all day), whereas Cam’s already had a day full of that and needs the stillness and quiet. So, anyway, feeling a bit down and discouraged after all my hard work that day, my eye was drawn to a spot on my PJs.
Now these PJs are something special. About a week ago I was meandering through the clearance in Women’s intimates and jammies at Walmart. If you like DC/Marvel/Star Wars/etc. jammies and fun two-piece sets, check Walmart! Especially their clearance! On the side wall there was a display (not clearance, of course) of Star Wars bottoms. I won’t go into how much I love Star Wars. We all know! So Cameron popped up… I can’t think of where he was, but he was off picking something up. Anyway, he pops up and I’m begging and pleading. My personal assets… or lack thereof… are in a no-spend month (aka, no spend ever, ugh) and let’s face it – I really, really wanted those PJ pants! Clearly – Cam gave in. Even he can’t resist the Star Wars! And I looooove these bottoms, I’m wearing them all the time. Real life mom style, I need to pack, and I want to be comfy! Pairing these with a Chewie tee and I’m set. It just works.
So back to the couch. I’m laying there, dejectedly, and I realize what my eye is drawn to:Do you see it? When I remembered this and decided to share it I was upstairs packing in the girls’ room and snapped a photo with my phone. Do you see it?oh. em. gee. guys.
They’ve been there all along! Seriously, everywhere. And just like when you buy your new car that you rarely see anywhere else on the road and it’s amazing and original and you drive off the lot and BAM – EVERY HUMAN IN EXISTENCE DRIVES THAT CAR. It’s everywhere, guys!
The Leia print I based my half-bath design on? I forced Hubbs to go along with my design plan for the Star Wars bathroom, and he even built the custom sized frame for my print. #hearteyesBut guess what?Hippy dippy power! I’ve had this print FOR.EV.ER. This is not something new. These things are all over, I’m drawn to them and I’ve never even realized it!
I’m not grabbing this and shouting it from the rooftops, and I’m not going extreme and saying the stars are telling me to do or not do something – but to me it just feels good. It’s still. It’s peaceful. They’ve been there all along, reaffirming me. I’m drawn to them and I didn’t even realize with what consistency. It makes me feel like Gma’s telling me I finally do have the good head on my shoulders that she wanted me to have back in my younger days, lol! It makes me feel like, even though it might seem silly, my Heavenly Father has got my back! He’s looking out for me and knows when I’m making good decisions.
Few more, just for good measure…I’m so thankful to have all the “signs” and direction in my life. No, not just the stars! I feel like there are so many signs around us in this modern world, and sometimes we get caught up on what they’re trying to tell us. When really, they can mean and reaffirm whatever we want them to.
Ultimately, I take these stars as a gift. I’m big on faith WITH works, without works faith itself doesn’t work. So, when you get your sign, you surrender and trust that it’ll be there when the time is right – it’s just like that. Faith lets you let go and surrender to God His part. That doesn’t mean you can’t do yours. After prayer, after studying, and even fasting for this big of a life decision, the little stars I’m running into each day now are a fun little reminder that I am on my Heavenly Father’s mind, and he does think of me and works to help me to know that I’m doing what I should. They’re sweet little reminders that He loves me, that my Gma is proud of me and loves me, a reminder that I should always fit in scriptures and personal prayer, a reminder that Sunday can and should be a rest day! Thank goodness I’m an overachiever and can afford to give myself that day off from packing!
We do what we have to do, right? But these little signs help remind me that I’m doing the right thing. Nothing wrong with that.