kaboom!

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Side note: I gave a talk this Sunday in church. It’s been a while and it felt better than I remembered. I was given a specific topic (gratitude for Prophets) but I’m not really sure it was super clear. I’m sure a lot was heard and pondered (ideally) but whether or not it clicked in their brains as the topic given, I don’t know. Probably doesn’t matter. I felt great giving the talk, shared a cute Liv story, tons of scriptures and General Authorities quotes, but really what seemed clear to me, may not have been to others. ENTER OVERTHINKING. Anyway – talk went well, and whether or not my actual assigned topic got across, I got love from many members of the ward, so I know they at least enjoyed it.

So, while I specifically avoided the cheeky “for those of you who don’t know me…” opening in my talk yesterday – you’ll have to just deal with life today. Which leads me to…

For those of you who don’t know me in person, aren’t family, or are the random mystery person that stumbles upon my little nook of the internet (ahem, right.) – I’m the oldest of seven kids. We all have our individual lives at this point but are still fairly close and in touch. My brother lives in Washington and has his own blog which he updates on a much more consistent basis then I do. He and his wife are so sweet, I love them. (Hi Laura!) (Okay – hi, Dan, you too.)

In the spirit of sibling rivalry, I’ve been mulling over why this is. Yes, being a wife and mom is full time job; yes, I’m busy with church/library/school volunteer work; and yes, all the rest of the crap in my life takes time. But Dan is definitely busy too – he’s working a fairly new, full-time, awesome job that allows him to support his family. He and his wife go on adventures, takes pictures, make posts. WHY NOT ME, guys? He even has a new side job. He’s taking the cake.

Anyway – I think my personal issue (the largest at least) is back to that thing I’ve talked about before. This process of overthinking, over-stressing, and the never ending perfectionist battle. In my ripe, old age of 29 – I have many years to go – I’ve noticed that it doesn’t get easier with age. There are now more things in my control for me to be anxious over! Bleh, whodathunk? Regardless of this, I’ve noticed that allowing things to just be… can be helpful. Did I clean out the older kids’ dressers this weekend while they were gone? Yes – it felt good. Did they notice? They’re not blind and they don’t fold clothes so that’s a stupid question, they must have noticed. Unless they believe it’s the same person who leaves buckets of mystery water on the bathroom counter overnight and never flushes the toilet or – Cameron’s favorite – someone that “breaks into the house to leave string cheese wrappers on the family room floor and then leave”. I highly doubt they believe in this mysterious, obnoxious person – so we’ll assume they noticed it. Neither of them said anything, and that’s okay. I’m not sure how please Liv was to find it that way anyway, oops. BUT! I didn’t tell them they had to keep it that way. I didn’t check on it and fix it like I impulsively always want to do – baby steps! It was just a nice little refresh for the closets. (And my sanity.)

So while I’m open to trying this out online too, it won’t be… easy? Comfortable? Bah – such is life. It’ll work out. This will probably mean less posts about my traditional child-centered posts like Charlie’s new fart-announcement habit and more posts about (maybe) the fact that Linkle has arrived. Or maybe that I’m feeling pretty crappy about my disintegrated 5-year-vegan-bakery-plan. Or that my character on Skyrim seriously took out some rockin’ baddies the other day and I feel pretty daggum good about it. Or even that I might have… FINALLY posted a YouTube video. None of those things may interest you, as my reader, but ultimately this blog is for me. The closer I come to understanding that, the closer I am to fully being okay with just being me. Even in this tiny little portion of the web. And if I’m okay with me, my posts and content will improve. And I would assume that would account for better reading and more consistent posting. It’s all connected. It’ll work. Right?

And let’s be honest. We’re still gonna talk about Charlie’s fart announcements.

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