too many choices, too little time

Do you ever feel overwhelmed?

HA. Stupid question. Of course you have! I don’t care whether you are one of the MOST organized and prepared people on this planet, I’m sure you’ve had at least one curveball thrown your way, right? Something that stood out so bad it made your heart pitter an off-kilter patter because that feels just. not. right.

I don’t have much room to complain. Lately the overwhelming feelings I’ve been drowning in are due to hobbies. That is quite possibly one of the most pathetic sentences I’ve ever written. It’s difficult to admit that my entire issue at the moment (besides Christmas totes and disaster level office issues) is whether or not I want to pursue something in sewing, bow making, reading, crocheting, planning, beading, writing, quilting, etc. (Picture a confused embarrassed face. I can’t possibly be the only one that has this issue?)

Not to mention the other things that sort of hover around those. Things I maybe should be doing or need to be doing. We always think of the exterior “needs” that are outside of basic survival last. Like how my floor needs to be mopped. Or how the kids have been using their dirty, muddy feet to close the front and closet doors in the entry. No one is going to die over mud. Except my Obsessive Compulsive side. She might die.

Or – church! Sure I go, I do all the things I need to do, prepare my lessons in advance before I teach – but what about the hovering things there? Like my Personal Progress. As a leader in my ward’s Young Women’s organization, that’s something I need to be focusing on, at least a little. Well, need is the wrong word. I certainly don’t HAVE to, but why not? It’s a great program and I never received my award as a youth myself, this is the perfect opportunity. Good example for my ward’s youth and my girls (specifically Olivia who will turn 12 THIS June – when did THAT happen?) As a Presidency, we decided one of our collective goals for this year would be to complete the Virtue value and then one other value of our choice.

But how does one organize all of these ideas? Needs, wants, desires, urges – and 70% of them crafty? Pfft. Ain’t nobody got time for that. (No, Dad, that is not a serious sentence, click here. I give you full permission to not sit through the entire video. While funny, it gets old. Except for her pronunciation of the word “fire”.) Anyway – some of these activities are definitely easier than others – quilting takes flat surfaces, places for machine, iron, fabric, patterns, uninterrupted time, and my machine makes too much noise to watch anything with Cam while I’m working on something. Whereas while  I still have to use patterns to hobble along for my crochet (can’t get too distracted or I’m lost) I can still have a toddler on my lap or my husband vegging out on the couch next to me. Same with cross stitch, beading, the more handheld activities.

But then the guilt starts to seep in. Really, self? Guilt? I’m not giving myself enough time to quilt. Look at all the fabric in the closet, the supplies I have and could be using. I could be making blocks and donating them. Or what about projects that are started and sitting around waiting to be finished? Like Cam’s Marvel/DC quilt that I pulled out again last week? Bleh.

When I find something I like or something I enjoy doing, I throw myself in. Head first, give it my everything, and do my very best at it. Quilting, I quickly picked up and learned all that I could. There are parts I love, parts where I excel, and parts I need to work on. Same with everything else I enjoy – I love reading. I don’t think there is a genre that I DON’T enjoy. But I can’t possibly read every book I want to read, probably not even in my lifetime! Perler beads, I had them out for months – constant beading, projects for Christmas, for gifts, etc. I LOVED it. But that left no time for other things I wanted to do. Honestly, I can’t quilt, bead, read, cross stitch, crochet, write, loom, breathe and be a mom all in the same week, let alone the same day! I can’t seem to do anything in moderation.

I was dwelling on this predicament, rather gloomily, in the shower the day before yesterday. I felt myself slipping, metaphorically, back into the spot where I can’t seem to see any light at the end of the tunnel in front of me. All of these things listed out in my head, that seemed impossible to reach and that felt like failure. (I’m really great at mastering mental disorders too. I rock dysthymia’s world. And polarized thinking isn’t for the faint of heart, it’s essentially like walking through the world as a giant FAIL meme.)

catfail

But, regardless of the Grumpy Cat doom-filled stare in my head, I realized that I needed to make the choice to see that I did do SOMETHING that day. I decided if I could think of three things that I did today that were successful or helpful or anything other than a complete fail, I had succeeded that day.

So, on that day. First? I paid my bills. WOO! Not exciting. But hey, I remembered, paid, and I’ll take what I can get! Second, I tore out a chunk of my crocheting again. I get that that sounds negative, but really… I realized that after learning how to do the front post half triple stitch, that I got a little ahead of myself and missed that the following rows used a triple stitch, NOT a half triple. If I said that right. Frustrating – but! Every time I have to restitch something I notice that I’m getting faster and better. So I count that as the second win of the day. After a very trying day, my third success was a really yummy dinner. Crockpot too, so it was super easy. Bonus: I also finished Saga: Volume 2.

Wednesday, I got dinner done in time before mutual (every Wednesday the youth have an activity) AND I was almost on time, arriving at mutual just barely after 7pm. Usually, it takes me FOREVER to get out of the house on Wednesdays because Cam always worked late. So for the first one, we’ll go with a combo of dinner before mutual and making it to my destination on time! I also started the massive job of gutting the office/craft room. And last, I worked on finishing up one Personal Progress experience, started another, and I’ve started gathering my materials for the corresponding value’s project. Yeah! Felt pretty good!

I guess at the end of all this I don’t have a solution yet. But I’ve found I do feel more successful when looking for and finding things that I had accomplished that day. I suck at daily journaling (RIGHT, subscribers?!) but maybe this little push to look for the lovely each day can help. I’ll keep you all posted in case I find the magical solution to organizing my crafty surges, but in the meantime – I can still be a successful person. Baby steps!

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