Wifing. That’s right. It’s a made up word. At least it’s spelled in a pleasing way and not totally off its rocker like Kathy’s Kats or Kool Krazy Kitten Shop. Though it does look like Wifi-ing. Is Wifi-ing a thing? My wifing is kind of like adulting but different. I’ll admit, it’s one of those modern, obnoxious, invented verbs that really has no official meaning unless you consider Urban Dictionary official. But I’m dang good at it.
Just ask Cam. No really, he KNOWS it. I tend to overdo everything – EVERYTHING – I do. When it comes to pleasing people outside of my family, I’m on top of it! Need a hand with something? I might have a broken foot, ear infection, and a sore neck, but you bet I’ll be there anyway to help you. I’m just that type of person. It honestly does become a problem, ha! I’m working on that.
I totally don’t have any broken feet, infected ears, or sore necks. Neck. Knock on wood. It was an example, just go with it.
I’m the same, if not worse, with my family. Generally, I do everything, fix everything, work on everything, feed everything, everything everything for my family. Does it mean I skip my walk or eat lunch two hours late? Sure, that’s okay! (No it’s not.) Does it mean that my office project takes 26 months instead of a week – who cares! Let’s fold some more laundry because you are just “too tired” to do it for yourself! (Tsk.) I do a lot. And that’s okay as long as I look out for myself while I’m doing it but that’s a skill I’m still learning to implement. I have to find that balance.
Wifing is something similar though not in a negative way, because to be honest, I kinda love it. Like, a lot. Wifing is a form of this do-everything, make-everyone-happy, put-everything-else-to-the-side idea but it has to do with my husband. I LOVE my husband. We may not agree on everything (he’s asking himself right now what we DO agree on) and we argue and engage in lively, heated, banter like any other married couple but I LOVE him. Just as he is.
Regardless – I enjoy doing things for him. I have this sort of unspoken responsibility to being with him when we’re in down time at the same time. Like in the evenings – would I like to be in the office maybe writing a blog post or obsessively scrubbing the window trim? Perhaps. But, I’m generally downstairs playing my 3DS while suffering through This Old House because he wants to watch it. I wouldn’t want to leave him all lonely down there on the couch watching his show. Yes, I’m aware of how ridiculous that sounds. Do I have 6,932 TV series that I would love to binge watch and follow for months on end chronologically? YES. Ha, oh my gosh, YES. But if we don’t both like a series, we generally don’t watch it, so that’s a lot of started series that just sit. They sit on my queue where I tell myself that during my down time alone, I’ll just watch it then – ha!
Now, I don’t say these things to tattle or sound as if I’m looking for people to reprimand me and scold my tendencies, saying I do too much that he wants to do. I certainly do the massive majority of the housework and tend to the children. But he does all of the yard work. He’s our full-time, hard working, bread-winner which lets me stay at home. He does dishes every night after dinner and fills the dishwasher – honestly, he does a lot. I’m definitely not complaining. We each sort of have our own spots, albeit fluid roles that are still getting working out the kinks and switching things up every once in a while. You have to be flexible, right? And my few minutes here and there that are free, the only person making me feel guilty for sitting down is me! Again, something I’m working on.
So, point being, Cameron is Seattle for three days this week. Well, what feels like three days. It’s actually more like 2-1/2 depending on how you count it out. But while he’s gone, I’m trying to take the time to Wife less, and Melissa more. (More verb invention!) During the day nothing is really changing, though you can tell the little girls aren’t considering it “work time” where he’s usually gone. They’ve been missing him hard even though if he were “home” he wouldn’t be home anyway! I’m generally on my own with the kids (summer now, so plural, four of them) every weekday minus 30 minutes or so of his lunch break, so that’s nothing new. But evenings are long, even with him home. I’m not looking forward to the witching hours. Dinner and bedtime are chaos and with summer upon us it’s been hard to stick to my guns about not having a giant kid sleepover EVERY night and watching Netflix in bed EVERY night.
But after bedtime is sacred time, man. It’s mom time. No, no – MELISSA time. Usually it’s Melissa/Wifing time. But for the next three nights – it’s just Melissa. I could game on the (new!) PC. I could write. I could read. I could draw. I could obsess over my new GORGEOUS planner. I could play my 3DS. I could organize. I could quilt. I could cross stitch. I could clean. I could play the Wii U. I could drink soda and not care that I’ll be up late.
I could do gymnastics. I can do whateeeeever I want. It hasn’t been all that pleasant. At first. I totally just spent over an hour commenting and sharing crap with friends on Facebook. Really, Melissa? FAIL. And while I miss my husband, and am counting the minutes to when his flight should land and he can call and check in (seriously, DON’T DIE) I’m kind of enjoying this special free time I don’t usually get. I don’t need to worry about him, I don’t need to worry about the kids – ultimately, I can do whatever I’d like with my time.
So, here’s to learning to be by myself. It doesn’t need to be all the time, and it doesn’t need to be negative. It doesn’t even need to be fully alone. But ultimately – it does need to be.
psst… apparently that’s what I need to get posting on this beast? free time! (right.)